So I Can Breathe
by BigBlacKitty
Summary: Doumeki's thoughts on the sacrifice that closed one of Watanuki's eyes and opened both of his. [OneShot. KindaSequeal to 'No Need to Scream' MekiPOV]


Yes, I know I said there won't be a sequel to "No Need to Scream" but, hey! I'm a contrary bastard! Get used to it! XD So...it turned out that there would be one after all! YAY! Feel lucky!

I just felt like writing this from Doumeki's POV so I'm not sure if you can _call_ it a sequel anyway. Still, I'm pretty pleased with it and hope the anaylsis of my small trip into the beautiful mind of Doumeki Shizuka is correct. Heh. It's the first time I'm thinking so deeply about his character so I hope I succeeded...if only a little.

**Disclaimer:** _I own nothing...CLAMP does. _

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It's hard to understand why at first, but after a warm wave of relief follows a sudden jolt of worry as I rub at my now perfectly normal eye. As I suspected, the web is gone and all I can feel under my fingers is the smooth skin of my right eyelid, my vision clear and precise, like it always was. Only why don't I feel thankful for it? Somewhere deep down there's logic, a hunch which I don't enjoy digesting at all. It's hard to believe that what was so strong and resistant a while ago can suddenly dissolve, leaving the victim unharmed. For some reason, my thoughts drift towards Watanuki, and as they do, I feel myself growing worried. 

It's not like me to worry. But I do…from time to time, even though it's not something easily spotted. And most of these days, I find myself worrying about just that one person because –even though he hates hearing it- he_ can_ be an idiot sometimes. A goodhearted idiot…but an idiot nonetheless. And idiots do stupid things. A frown growing on my face despite the amount of luck I've had, I return to the porch a few moments later, fully dressed and ready for school. I want to meet Watanuki on the way and make sure I'm wrong. One can never be certain of anything before it's been proven and, even though I can't help it, it seems irrational to get into a state about speculations just yet.

Thinking I might as well stall some time before heading off, I grab a broom from the shed and start sweeping the yard. It feels so much better to see properly again and I enjoy the cool breeze whipping around my face as I brush away some dead leaves which have fallen during the night. It isn't much work, it can be easily completed before I leave, and with some luck, I won't miss Watanuki on his way to school. He passes here almost every morning, after all.

My back turned to the gate for a moment; I almost miss the hasty shadow of a familiar, frail figure rush by and quickly spin around. _Watanuki…_His behaviour isn't normal and no matter how calm I feel, there's a sense of cold foreboding deep in my chest as I grab my own briefcase on my way out, abandoning my broom. Why is he avoiding me?

"Hey!" I'm used to Watanuki's comments and even his high pitch of voice but there's something lacking in his enthusiasm today as he spits out his usual reply, back still turned as he gathers speed. It's normal for him to be this irritated and I don't mind, really. It's quite amusing at times but today is different. He's always faced me before, even in moments of great embarrassment and I see no motive for him to change his habits now. Or don't I…? The vice in my chest tightens but I still ignore it, a small speck of hope still residing within. There may be many other reasons for his behaviour….after all; Watanuki's not the balanced of people- not by far. Especially when I come into the picture. It can't be helped. Only now, for the first time, it's me who is feeling irritated as I try my best to catch up with him.

He won't listen to what I say and when I inform him that my eye's back to normal he merely replies with indifference, even though he was so troubled about it yesterday. _He knows…'Cause he's done something. _The more he keeps me waiting like this, the more impatient I become and before I can stop myself I reach out to grab him, pulling him back to face me but I don't hold on for long. There's a bandage over his right eye and the look he gives me from the other, that unintentional, pitiful look pierces me. It's over in an instant as he turns away from me, shielding his face under tufts of hair but I'm not satisfied. Everything is starting to sum up and the result is obvious, only I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

"What did you do?" He won't answer at once, and when he does, it's just a stupid lie I see through immediately. It only makes me madder. It's a feeling I haven't had the chance to exploit very often in the past but I'm not aware of it to such an extent that's it's within my control. All I want is the truth. And I want it now.

"Tell me what you did to get that thing off my eye!" When he doesn't answer, something snaps and my hand finds Watanuki's arm once more, only firmer, tighter than before. He swing him around and easily pin him against the wall, that thin, light body I've carried so often in my arms, the body that seems to refuse me with every fiber it consists of. He struggles and screams; his arms over his face but I fight my way through, tossing his glasses aside and continuing to the strings of the bandage. I need to know. I need to see that it _is_ only a sty as he claims. So I can breathe. So I can calm down.

Once the bandage is off he's strangely calm and I can only stand and watch as he raises his head to look at me properly. I stop breathing. His hair parts to reveal an eye, not of that clear blue, matching the other but a white eye, blank, dead and spent. It stares back at me and the vice tightens to another degree in my chest, my heart pounding desperately as if to escape its clutches. _No._

He's done it for me. All for me. And he doesn't even know, the fool, he doesn't know it's exactly what I _don't_ want. Why? _Why? _My shock is suddenly replaced by hate, disgust, guilt and I find it hard to keep looking at him. What have you done? _Why?_

Through the confusion in my usually clear mind, Yuuko appears. She did this…at his will. She has to reverse it. I don't care how and to which price but she has to. My legs start pumping, filling with adrenaline to prepare myself for a sprint to her 'shop' but common sense, like always, keeps me glued to the pavement. I can't enter her shop... I can't even see it. To me, it doesn't exist. The only link to her is Watanuki.

"Call her." He blinks at me, playing stupid, and it takes a lot of self control to keep myself from shouting. He knows very well I can't fetch her myself and if he won't do it, I'll force him to. I hate that look he's giving me, that determined, stony look which shows me he doesn't regret it. That he won't budge. He'd glad the way it is. I refuse to believe it. That's rubbish! No-one could be content with it, not even him. He refuses to obey and suddenly, I'm sick of him, sick of his stubbornness, my heart aching with guilt, with affection, but at the same time, I hate him. Hate him for what he's done.

My fist slams near his shoulder, my anger unleashed, but he still doesn't react. I can't stand it. If he won't reverse this, I'll make him do it by force. Why the hell does he always have to shoulder everything?! This wasn't his fault! What an idiot! What an idiot! But, now that I really mean it, I can't say it.

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End file.
